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Stopping The Hate
I met a guy in
Oakland, CA who quickly became a friend.
He was a very interesting and intelligent person. He told me that he had not completed his
formal education. He had been a street
person in Washington, DC. Everything
that he knew about the world had come from experiencing it himself, reading and
speaking to people while on the street.
One
day he said that there was a big Klan rally in Washington. After it was over he got a chance to speak to
the Grand Dragon. He said that he
explained his plight and the plight of all black people in this country and
asked him, “How can you hate me for not doing anything?” The man thought deeply and could not meet his
eyes. He looked down, shook his head,
exhaled with a sigh, looked up and said, “It’s Easier,” he said.
“It’s easier.”
He
was telling the truth. It is
easier. It is easier to hate than it is
to love. It is easier to blame all of
one’s troubles on another person, or another group of people. It is easier to not accept one’s own failing. It is easier not to work to become the best
that one can be. As an old biblical reference
says, “Wide is the road that leads to destruction, narrow is the road that
leads to life." Hate is one of the
strongest forms of destruction—it destroys not only the self, but also the
society.
When
we come into this world we are full of wonder and full of surprise. As children we struggle to learn how to
coordinate and control these bodies. We
struggle to learn how to speak, so that we can both make ourselves known and
come to know others. It is as if there
is a part of the self, a divine wonderful spark at the center of our hearts,
that seeks out experiences. It is like a
small sacred flame that reaches out to everything. It is a consuming flame that takes in all of
the joy and splendor and all of the suffering and pain and transforms it. It purifies it and brings forth light where
there was darkness and understanding where there was ignorance.
It
makes the ugly and the brutal into the beautiful. This is the power of the human being. But the flame seems delicate sometimes. We hold our hands around it to protect it
from the strong winds of adversity for fear that it might wane and go out. As time goes on we begin to put walls up
around the flame. If we get hurt over
and over again. If the winds begin to
become too strong we put up the wall called hate. The wall called hate separates us from any
possibility of pain, because we have cut the danger off. We have cut the person who would cause us
pain, or the group, or even the ideas that would cause us pain, off.
We
have also cut off any possibility that we had for growth. We have cut off the ability for that flame to
grow larger and large and for it to experience more and more of the world—for
it to become stronger, so that we can be a beacon in a fearful world—so that we can show the beauty that exists at
the center of our beings and so that we can remind everyone that there is
beauty….there is a possibility to reach out and reach within and touch the
Divine in our daily lives…to remind them that we human beings can create beauty
and kindness wherever we are.
Sometimes
it is difficult not to hate. How can we
stand up against those who are angry and those who would destroy us without
becoming like them? How can we do the
same things that those who hate do without becoming hateful ourselves? How can we live the life that we believe is
not only possible, but desirable in a world where it most often doesn’t
work? Can we really believe in justice,
equity and compassion and all of our other principles and live them out in a
world like ours? Yes, we can.
The
first way that we can begin to stop the hate and its effects without becoming
hateful, is by setting boundaries and limitations for ourselves. We can adopt a code of behavior for
ourselves. We can observe our beliefs
and envision what we want the world to be and then live a life in accordance
with those values.
I
am not speaking of following a code prescribed by someone else, or following
any type of dogma, I am talking about looking into one’s own heart and
following one’s own code. Living one’s
life as if he or she is living in the world that he or she desires the
most. This is quite difficult, but much
of life is difficult. As we learn often,
the things that are often of greater worth are the most difficult. In order to stand up for oneself and in order
to not become like the oppressor in a world full of hate, it is necessary to
set up a standard of behavior that leaves no room for hate.
The
second way to deal with hatred is to learn to turn the other cheek. Now some may say, “Turn the other cheek and
get the teeth knocked out of both sides of your mouth.” Well that is not what I am talking
about. Often we hear the words turn the
other cheek and they are taken out of context.
They are used by oppressors usually to teach the masses not to rise up
against them. The saying was actually
radical and subversive in its time and it still is now when we know the meaning
behind it.
During
that time period there were certain behavioral codes prescribed for the
“honorable” person. One could not beat a
servant, a slave, or a woman (very interesting) with anything that would harm
them. They were only allowed to hit them
with the back of the hand. One could never
hit anyone with the left hand, because that was reserved for personal hygiene. It was necessary, therefor, to use the back
of one’s right hand and to slap the persons right cheek.
The
code said that one used the palm of the hand to slap a son, brother, or an
equal. One could not strike a slave or
woman with the palm of the hand on the left side if he or she turned the other
cheek, or that would be admitting that the person was not lowly, or worthless,
but was an equal. If one got angry
enough to lose his temper and to strike the person he would have shown that he
was striking an equal. Even if he began
to do so and put his hand back down it showed that that other person was an
equal. That is what the message was
about.
It
was also supposed to apply to something larger than physical hitting. It was a way of showing someone who had power
of you that you were not just going along with the program, but were
resisting. You were standing up for
yourself as a human being and breaking through the charade of human hierarchy
by saying, “ I am a human being and I am a force to be dealt with. I have dignity and worth and I intend to
stand up for it.”
One
may experience turning the other cheek sometimes in his or her life at
work. Imagine a boss, or someone higher
on the pecking order just coming in, shouting and telling you off. Maybe saying how lousy your work has
been. Turning the other cheek would be a
response like, “Well I can appreciate the fact that I made a couple of mistakes
here and it is your job to inform me of that, but I would appreciate it much
more if you would just point out my mistakes and help to learn how to do it
better, instead of just making me feel bad about it.”
How
would the person respond? The other
cheek has been turned. You have stood up
for yourself and your worth and dignity without responding hate for hate. The person either has to acknowledge you as
an equal, soften, show you how to do it and respect you even more for speaking
up for yourself, or to go beyond any sensible code of behavior and just go off
like an idiot. When that happens you can
turn the other cheek again. “I didn’t
realize that I was being offensive to you.
I was just being honest with you and stating the way that I feel about
it.”
If
the person continues to act crazy start sending out resumes, because nobody
wants to have to go to work for a person like that anyway. The object of this encounter, in any event,
is to maintain one’s sense of worth and dignity, so that one does not become
depressed, angry, resentful, or hateful.
One can stand up for oneself by learning to turn the other cheek.
The
third way is by being responsible for one’s own behavior only. It is by letting go. There is a saying that says that you can take
a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
I don’t know about a horse, but I did take a cat to water when I was a
child and I couldn’t make it drink. I
tried to push his head down a couple of times and he resisted. When I got it down far enough, he still
didn’t drink. I began to holler and he
just thought that I was a fool. He tried
to run away. I couldn’t make him drink.
The
same can be said about friends, loved ones, siblings and partners and
spouses. You can give them all of the
best reasons for doing the right things.
You can give them money, fill out college applications, get them job
interviews, everything in the world, but if they are not willing to follow your
words of wisdom, or even take care of themselves, there is nothing that you can
do.
When
this happens it is difficult. One often
cares so much about that other person that he or she feels pain. When one sees a loved one or friend running
toward a cliff the identification with that person makes one suffer and
actually feel the pain him or her self.
Most often one cuts the person off as the only way to protect his or her
self. The best way to cut someone off,
or to kill one out of one’s life is by hating them. Hate separates one from who or what one
perceives as the problem. The problem,
however, is not the person, the problem is over attachment to that person’s
behavior. It is an over attachment that
comes from taking responsibility for that person’s life. It is more important and more healthy to let
that person go by taking responsibility, not for that persons life, but only
for one’s own life.
That
is what the concept of non-attachment and agape’ is. It is about loving a person unconditionally
and letting him or her live his or her life without expectation. Letting go, yes, but also caring for the person
aside from his or her behavior. This is
the third way to deal with hate without it destroying us. We should be responsible for our own behavior
only.
These
are three ways that we can stand against those who would hate, or over power us
with hatred and not become haters ourselves.
They are also ways in which we can actually live out our beliefs in a
world where they are not always accepted.
It is sometimes difficult to align one’s life with one’s stated beliefs
and to live one’s life in the world as it should be, instead of as it is in
some places. It is not easy, but this is
what having a victorious life is all about.
When
we live a life of love and beauty in the midst of hatred and anger, our light
shines brighter and we exemplify beauty.
We become a channel of love, of God, of Goddess, of reason, of the
Divine, of the Spirit of life, here on this earth where nature can be so
cruel. We become connected again and we
no longer feel as though we have been deserted in a dangerous place. We don’t feel as though we have been filled
with ideas of love and beauty and justice and then deserted in a dangerous
world:
Alone again
like an empty shell.
Feeling like I want to die, I’ve
been through hell.
So easy to be crushed, by someone
you love so much.
Then you came along and picked me
up and took me home.
So tenderly you held me in your
arms.
Chorus:
You said baby dry your eyes and
then I realized.
I’m in love once again yes its true
I love you. With all my heart.
There I was washed upon the
shore.
Crying my heart out, I just can’t
take no more.
My life had come to an end. I was ready to give in.
I closed my eyes for one more
silent prayer.
Only to wake up and find you
standing there.
Chorus
You can never give up on your
dreams.
We
can never give up on our dreams. We can
never give up on our dreams of love. We
can never give up on our dreams of hope, love—connection to that larger
being. The connection to the earth, to
the stars, to the universe to that which we call the embodiment of love, by any
of the many names that have been supplied throughout the ages. Let us never give up on our dreams as we
weave new patterns of life, as we weave new ways of being, as we weave a
beautiful living tapestry of not what earth has been, or what it can be, but
what it is when we take the time to reach out to a dying world…and when we take
the time to let our lights shine in the darkest times, so that the people will
know a world of love, of justice of compassion, of beauty is possible, not in
the future, but right now.
Ronin 1
TME
Do the same 20
minute meditation that you did last month except change the question that you
ask this time again. Lie on your back
again, with your right on your chest, right on the heart. Bend the other arm and rest your elbow on the
floor, so that the arm will fall if you begin to drift off to sleep. Focus your eyes on some spot on the ceiling
and then relax your focus. For about 5
minutes just lie there and relax. Breath
in deeply filling the upper body to capacity slowly and then exhale slowly.
Inhale by filling
the area of your stomach below your navel with air, and then the area from the
navel to the lower chest with air and then the chest, the throat and the mask
behind the face with air.
Exhale
beginning with the upper section, then the middle section and then the area
below the navel. Continue to do this,
purposely, until you relax and the body begins to do it naturally, for this is
the natural way that we breath, especially when we are laying flat on our
backs. As you really begin to relax
speak to your subconscious mind. Address
your subconscious mind purposefully, expecting it to hear and respond.
Say something like
this (use your own words): "Slowly
show me the unresolved hatred in my life.
Who do I absolutely hate?"
Sit there and let your mind drift.
Let an images appear.
Allow yourself to
see, feel, or hear the situation that took place in your lifetime that created
the hatred. Allow yourself to experience
it again, as though you are standing in front of a movie screen and just watching
it happen.
This is an the experiences
that you have never resolved.
Look at the
image. Accept it. Acknowledge it to yourself, "I am
willing to let it go." Realize that
it has no substance now. It is not
real. It is merely a memory of a thing
that happened long ago. It is there to
protect you from that person, or any
future pain. It is there to cover
the sadness of the betrayal that you felt when that person did something to
you. Let your breadth carry out the hate
as you exhale. Let your breadth breath
carry in the light as you inhale.
Visualize a small ball of white light appearing at the center of the
image and with your breadth as you add white light, see that ball expanding,
until there is nothing but bright clear light.
Send out kindness toward that individual and say a brief prayer.
Continue the above procedure for the full twenty minutes allowing many images
to arise one by one. Write them down, if
you like, so you can remember them and look for patterns. At the end of 21 days burn the paper to
signify your willingness to let go of the hatred and release it to the
universe.
If
there is still residual hatred left over use the images and the feelings that
are still very strong during your Tang Lin sessions. If you do Tang Lin for long periods of time
you may also get rid of any residual, emotionally charged moments of anger, or
fear, from the last two sessions.
Do this 20 minute
exercise every other day, at least. Do
it twenty one times. Continue with the
other meditation on the days when you are not doing this healing
meditation. The more you do the
better.
Continue with the
Tai-Chi Chi-Kung and some other form of aerobic exercise. Set your own schedule and be
consistent. Constancy is more important
than vigor.
The battle goes not to the
strong or to the swift, but the one who endures to the end.
Through the
healing and strengthening of ourselves and the sharing of the sacred jewel at
the center of our hearts, we re-create our immediate environments and
ultimately the world. Continue to move
forward in strength and courage Warrior
and Teacher, never forgetting along
the path to celebrate and to drink in the joy of the universe and the joy of
family and close friends. Joy is all
that keeps us alive. You are the essence
of what many people call god. Walk in
the strength and joy of the creation and Creator and you will be blessed and a
blessing.
Ronin 1
Dr. John W. Gilmore
(Om Prakash) Is a Writer, Massage Therapist and Body Worker and
Wellness Consultant. He has a B.A. in Psychology, an M. Div., and a
D. Min. in Creation Spirituality from Wisdom University. For more
writings like this one please visit our websites at:
www.dswellness.com and
www.NextStepCoaching.4t.com
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